Washing one’s hands seems like a big part of everyday life. We wash after going to the bathroom, after eating, after doing anything messy, and even after sneezing (or if we think someone else we shook hands with did). However, are men washing their hands before and after they masturbate? Maybe not, if they’re being honest. Look on any men’s forum boards on Reddit or other popular sites and you may find that men don’t see the point in doing it beforehand and some even think “just wiping them off” on a towel or some other inanimate (one hopes) object is good enough. Well, guys, it’s not, and here’s why.
Why Wash Before Masturbating?
Let’s first agree that your dick is a special thing, yes? You want to keep it safe and happy. With that in mind, take in this next information. At any particular given time, the human hand contains on average 3200 bacteria, plus fecal particles. Yes, fecal particles. Okay, digest that for a minute.
So, while washing your hands isn’t considered mandatory, you may want to make it part of your pre-game. It reduces your risk of getting infections like balanitis, which is a very itchy, ugly, uncomfortable infection on the head of your penis. It’s even worse if a man is uncircumcised because skin folds can trap things like dirt, bacteria, dead skin cells, and oils. This can lead to something else that’s quite unpleasant, smegma, sometimes known by the very nose-offending term, dick-cheese.
If you want to protect your family jewels, take a minute to wash your hands before a wank. Consider it part of a respectful ritual that keeps your penis health high and your risk of infection low.
Why Wash After Masturbating?
First of all, just ewwww. Seriously, would you want to shake hands with a guy who just shook his dick… to completion? Didn’t think so. But aside from the gross factor, let’s talk about personal and public health issues.
Wiping it on a towel doesn’t cut it. Remnants of sperm, lube, and other not-so-fun things are still meandering around invisibly on your hands. These are things that can transfer to other parts of your own body. For instance, when you are masturbating, you are very near your bum, and may even stimulate it or your perineum. Well, now there is microscopic fecal matter on your hand. A little while after masturbating, you rub your eye. Later that night, you have pink eye. The fecal matter found its way into your eye and caused an infection. It could have been prevented had you washed your hands post-playtime.
Skipping the soap and water after jacking it can also then pass all sorts of things onto other people. In addition to doing the above to others (giving them infections via fecal matter), there are other more serious things at work here. Here’s the thing, there are 27 known viruses in your sperm. They can be sexually transmitted directly into the bloodstream. Ebola, HIV, Zika, and others live in the semen, and when you don’t wash the semen away after a happy explosion, you put others at risk.
Long story short, don’t be a public nuisance, wash your hands after you stroke your salami.
The Proper Penis Prep and Post-sex Protocol
Taking proper care of Mr. Happy isn’t complicated, especially when “taking care of Mr. Happy” (nudge-nudge, wink-wink). It’s pretty simple: before masturbating, wash your hands well with an antibacterial soap. Most experts say the process should last the length of time it takes a person to sing the Happy Birthday song. Rinse your hands well and towel dry. If you do add lotion at this time, make sure it is free of any unnatural or harsh ingredients that could irritate your penis. Now go ahead and get to strokin’.
And… BOOM! The magic has happened, the confetti has been thrown. Now it’s time to clean up. It’s easiest to just jump into the shower and, using warm water and a mild, all-natural cleanser, thoroughly wash the penis, being mindful of every fold and wrinkle. Next, rinse well to ensure that no soap is left on the penis. Once done, pat or air dry. As a final step, apply a specially formulated penis health oil (health professionals recommend,which has been clinically proven mild and safe for skin). It not only uses shea butter and vitamin E to keep the skin soft and supple, but it also has L-carnitine, an amino acid known to prevent against peripheral nerve damage, which can sometimes result from too frequent or too intense chicken choking. It’s a critical part of a penis health regimen that’ll keep your penis strong and active into your twilight years.
